I want to talk a bit about why our RSVP status had disappointed me so much a first. The first thing Jonathon and I did when we started planning this shindig was to start with the people we wanted there, those that we were indifferent on but had to be there, those that wanted to be there but we didn't know if we could fit them in, etc.
We made LISTS. We made 7 different guest lists. We made lists of everyone who had to be there and those that we would love to be there. At one point, we had a guest list of 400. Seriously.
When it all spiralled out of control, we changed our reception venue to smaller dining room on the campus where we will be married. The chapel could hold 40 or 200 it didn't matter. But the reception venue was important.
So, the smaller venue hold 55 at the most. So, we took out the list and made revisions. We put the people that had to be there first (attendants, parents, grandparents, selected family members, etc) and then we asked ourselves:
Can we have a wedding without this person?
If the answer was no, they got invited. If the answer was yes, they didn't. It was hard because we love our family and friends dearly and in the end a huge cut was made. Then, we still had about 100 people. We cut out everyone who was extended family. We hacked away at this list and ended up with 65 people.
We knew a few people would say no, but we reworked tables in the venue to squeeze them all in. And then we sent out invitations... and the nos came in (and the yes's too) and I started to get disappointed. People who we thought would be there.. wouldn't. Attendant's flaked out on us.. etc.
We knew it was a week before Christmas, we knew it was a 2 hour drive through the cold December mountains, we knew it was asking a lot from the people we loved... but goal.. our dearest hope was pure.
We wanted to share our life here with all of them.
But what we got were sometimes selfish complaints (It's too far, you should have considered my schedule/life/needs first, etc) and sometimes reasonable objections (class/family Christmas schedules/work [and in this economy I get it]). But what bothered me the most were these people who were supposed to love and support us bombarding us with negativity (see the selfish complaints). It hurt.
So, in the end I needed a pep talk. (Refer to yesterday's post.) I got it and in the end.. all will be well. I am at peace with the choices we have made. We did them for the right reasons with love in our hearts. It will not be me that has to answer for all the negativity that people put forth in the world.
I can only be responsible for my actions and for the energies I inject into society. I would like to think that 90% of the time it is positive life affirming energy full of love and compassion. But I get busy and frustrated and I'm not perfect. I have made mistakes and done things I am not proud of in my life. But the key is that I try to live my life in an unselfish manner to benefit mankind. Selfish people turn my stomach, but I do not live for them (or their life) so I cannot be the judge and jury. They must all come to terms with themselves.
That said, I have gotten past my disappointment. Mostly because while some fun people have said no.. we still have our best friends, parents, and some crazy kids we couldn't imagine the after party without.