Marriage Myth

We get married for quite a few reasons. For us lucky ones (like me and Jonathon) we get married because we fall in love. But it's not always for love that we get married. Sometimes people marry for money or power, sometimes for escape or need, maybe for fear or lust. Marriage hasn't always been about love.

The Indians by and large have always and still marry based on parental choices and hopefully love will come with time. (A great showing of this is in the Bollywood movie Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam.)

Monarchs have historically married for political or monetary gain. (One exception was Henry VIII and we see how that turned out.)

But today the great majority of us have the will and ability to marry the person we love. We are raised from birth to know that one day we will find a man (or woman for the guys) to love and who will complete us (however, much I disagree with this statement... although... no that's another topic) and we will fall in love, have a big wedding, and live happily ever after. (As a side note I wonder about happily ever after... I mean, I want to be apart of the first year that Cinderella and Prince Charming were married.... I mean did she mind he was also married to Sleeping Beauty? And did they fight alot? Did she cry at night when no one was looking because she was now basically his servant? And did she think that maybe this was a big mistake? Did she have growing pains? My boss told me once that the first year of marriage is the hardest. And I believe that. The first year here living with Jonathon was hard and required adjusting, but I love it and him and I wouldn't change it.)

But I am saddened that even though we live in a society that touts equality and peace and harmony... my friends who are GLBT can't marry the one they love. They can't go to their religious leader or court house and get married. It's wrong on so many levels. Separate but equal was abolished for the good of everyone. And yet... we are still a separate people.. still convinced our own small minded views are correct... still threatened by a perceived notion.

So, my rallying cry is this... GO GET MARRIED. Girls go marry your girlfriends and boys go marry your man! Do it! I don't care if it is legal or not. Defy the artificial and arbitrary boundaries that someone who doesn't know you and has no right to judge your life has set up. Screw them and do what makes you happy. Run toward your bliss!

Petit Trianon

When we first moved to our small town in North Carolina, we were certified city kids who resented the lack of Taco Bell, Target (until last month there wasn’t even a Wal-Mart that was less than 45 minutes away let alone Target!), malls, or well anything. We did appreciate the mountains and the lakes (I’d say the book Cold Mountain was set close to here.)  though and loved the scenery.

Our first year here was somewhat boring and lazy. We tried local restaurants (and fell in love with them and eat there often, our reception menu was based and is being catered by one of them), went to a few of the local mom and pop shops (there are 3 awesome book stores – 2 of them have vintage books), and watched a lot of baseball.

And we learnt to cook… and fast or we would have starved. So, I have been trying new recipes since we moved here and crafts and things. My grandmother loves it. I believe my new found self reliance, cook ability, yearning to make preserves this summer and all around kitchen skills makes me her favorite granddaughter. Or at least the one she is most proud of.. I may be biased. 

Anyway, this morning is one morning where I love our own little Petit Trianon. I feel like Marie Antoinette at her country chateau. This morning I made scrumptious pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, coffee with pumpkin creamer, and I put chili in the crock pot to slow cook all day for supper.

Yesterday I made pumpkin cheesecake. I think I know why we have gained 10 pounds since we moved here. But it’s heaven watching the rain fall in heavy sheets while the fog rolls down off higher cliffs on the mountain and Jonathon snores away in bed. Yes, I have found my own little happy place. My Petit Trianon in North Carolina.

*image from here.

Random bits of thoughts

I love fall and I am ready for the change of seasons for many reasons. I love the crisp cool air, the rain that never seems to end here, the changing colors on the trees, the sickly sweet smell of decay (dead leaves) in the air, the foods (soups/chilies/warm), football, and mostly the start of school and Halloween (my favorite holiday).

But after fall, comes winter and with winter… our wedding day. Which the closer it looms the more I am looking forward to and the more I have to do. I know that there are so many things that I am doing early and maybe out of sequence. But it’s the way that feels natural to us. Yes, I would like to have my hair trial at the end of September. Why? I don’t know. I just do. I think it comes with the territory that right now I am hating my long locks (my stylist and Jonathon refuse to let me cut it until December 19th at the earliest) and if I see something tangible I won’t want to cut it so badly.

With my to do list seemingly to shrink (thank heavens) and more time can be devoted to enjoying friends, family and the process. Our first shower is next weekend. I am looking forward to the shower, and not for the gifts. I can’t wait to see some people that I know will be there. Friends and family members I haven’t gotten to see in the past few months.

I guess what I’m saying is… enjoy the process… no matter how early you are doing things, or in what order.. the point is… the process of planning a wedding is a preparation for you (and your boy) to find bliss. Engagements shouldn’t be tangled webs of problems. Don’t feel bad or think you are wrong or strange if you do something out of The Knot’s sequence of events or Martha’s master plan. You are not Martha!

Cultural Traditions

Wedding traditions are completely cultural. In America, white dresses are completely common. However, in India the most common color is red. There are many differences (as I bet we all already know) between wedding traditions. Most traditions regarding attire are based on what makes the bride feel beautiful and happy in that culture.

In college, I spent a summer in India. I fell in love with the amazing culture, the people, the religion, and the customs. I got henna when I was in Mumbai. I loved the way it looked on me. The sienna color on my skin is stunning.

It was one thing that I knew I would want at my own wedding. I knew I would want henna. Jonathon wasn’t sold. He is a traditionalist (and a democrat which is odd I know) and he didn’t want me too. However, when he saw how important it was to me he relented. I’m glad because henna does make me feel beautiful. Although, the condition is I must wear gloves at the ceremony.

It’s also traditional to have the groom’s name hidden in the design. Then, he tries to find it. I think I want to incorporate this into our first time seeing each other pictures. I think I’ll be behind the door of the chapel and I’ll stick my hand out for him to find his name and when he does, I’ll let him pull me out from behind the door.  Cute? Mais non?

*Top image from Style Me Pretty. The middle images are my own.